To Mom, With Love

Last Saturday we said farewell to one amazing lady. Before she passed, she made sure her wishes were known, and we ended up throwing her the most beautiful celebration I have ever been a part of. Between the open bar, the heartfelt (and at times very funny) reflections, the champagne toast, dancing in the aisle to Spirit in the Sky as we ended the service, to the four cases of Regal Brau that were passed around to end the day...Mom was everywhere.

Every room in that building was filled with an outpouring of love, quite a few tears, and even some laughs as we reminisced and reflected on the woman and the friend that we lost. While I have yet to “feel” mom around me since we said goodbye, I just know she was there, smiling down in appreciation of how many people she brought together and how many lives she touched.

While we can’t begin to thank every single one of you who came to support our families, we know that there were many of you who were not able to make it. I had told myself that the blog I posted the night she died would be my last, but after hearing all the amazing toasts made in her honor on Saturday, I felt the need to share them with you all.

For those of you that were with us, feel free to read these beautiful words again and reminiscence. For those of you who couldn’t make it – I hope you find peace in knowing that we did right by mom and threw her the most beautiful day full of life and love.

Below you will find my excerpt – the rest of the blogs are listed at the bottom and can be found in the “read more journal entries.”

To Mom, With Love

Wow. The amount of love and support you have all showed our family is unbelievable. We will never be able to thank you – or to truly tell you what it means to us to have you all here… to know there were so many people that mom impacted throughout her short life.

She would have loved this. All her family and friends… gathered in one place, enjoying a cocktail or two and making toasts in her name and talking about how great she was. Let me tell you – this was HER kind of party.

I always said that mom never knew a stranger, and that’s the truth. Her smile and her energy made her a magnet – people were just drawn to her. It didn’t matter where she was or what the situation… people just wanted to be near her. 

Mom was so many things to so many people. And I look out at all of you – and I am overwhelmed by the sheer volume and diversity of people here and the roles she played in each and every one of your lives. And I KNOW she wouldn’t have wanted us to leave here without getting to know each other. 

Raise your hand if you were one of the lucky few to call mom wife, mother or mother-in-law. 
Those of you that called her daughter, sister or sister-in-law… raise your hand.
If you called her Tia Terri?
If you called her family?
Raise your hand if she was ever your classmate? 
Your neighbor?
If over the years, you got to refer to her as your coworker?
A travel buddy?
A golf partner? 
Raise your hand if you knew her as “professora” or senora holt?
If you have spent time at “The Hut” with her?
Or, if you will forever remember her as Mrs. Holt or “Maggie and Charlie’s mom”?
Now. Raise your hand if you called her your friend.

Like I said, mom was SO many things to so many people – but at the end of the day – she was a friend to everyone she ever met. 

Now, I am going to take a minute to tell you about my very best friend. 

Because that’s what she was, and I’m proud to say that. But growing up – I wouldn’t have always admitted it. We fought just like every good mother and daughter do. And gosh, was I a brat. I was mean and stubborn and snotty. But she was always patient and kind. We butted heads and we didn’t always see eye-to-eye, but she never gave up on me. And she never ever stopped loving me. 

She was there for every dance recital and every piano recital. She was at every volleyball, basketball and softball game. She drove me an hour and a half each way on Monday’s every week in high school to make sure I was the best pitcher (with the smallest hands and shortest stride) she ever knew. She held my hand through the toughest year of my adult life and then promised me I would be ok when I found out last June that life could, in fact, get worse. 

She was the type of person who would bring out your sun during a storm. She could make you smile when you were sad and she could make the best out of any situation… even when you felt like you were going to fall apart. She had the dumbest jokes, the goofiest laugh, and the best smile that would make you feel safe and loved in a world where nothing seems to ever go right.

My mom was the shoulder to cry on, the arms to laugh in, and the hand that helped me up every time I fell. I took her for granted knowing that no matter how bad life got, she was always just a phone call away and would have the best advice, a joke, or even a sassy remark to make a bad day a little brighter.

She was my hero. I looked up to her and aspired to be like her. And over the years she became my rock, best friend, and my inspiration. She showed me the power of hard work, the importance of values and morals, and the strength that comes with independence. She always encouraged us to pursue our dreams—no matter how far out of reach they were.

How do you even begin to say goodbye to someone who has been the center of your whole world? How do you wrap your mind around such a heartbreaking reality? How do you begin to cope with the loss of such an extraordinary, truly wonderful human being? 

Since her diagnosis, mom was nothing short of brave. She hid her pain and her heartache to make us all believe that everything was going to be OK. She never lost her spark, her hope, or her wit, and she still put her family and friends first, regardless of how terrible she was feeling. On the worst days of mom’s cancer, I wanted to take her pain from her. I would have given anything to take her place, to ease her suffering for even just a single day because I know she would have moved mountains to do the same for us.

The thing I learned through all of this though, is that cancer doesn’t care who it takes or who it hurts. It comes into your life when you least expect it and tears at the fragile threads that hold you together. It’s been said though, that at the end, the most amazing thing happens. Cancer loses its strength and is replaced by grace and love. I saw that these last few weeks. So many people gathering in love and support of mom. Cancer didn’t win. She did. She fought every day to stay alive for us… but when she couldn’t fight anymore, she left us with grace and love. 

There is a quote from Winnie the Pooh – it says “I’m not lost, for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost.” And that is what I feel. I know I am here, and she is up there. But somehow, I am surrounded by her family and her friends and everything she loved and I still feel so lost. I still feel so alone.  I miss the sound of her voice, her laugh, and her crazy stories. I will miss her every day of my life, but I will never forget the love that she gave and the life that she lived. 

I love you, mom. I love you so much. And I felt it was only fitting to leave you here with lyrics from the one and only Miranda Lambert…

Mama, I'm okay out here,
I've seen how hard the world can be.
My step is sure and I know my name,
I'm strong just like you prayed I'd be.

Until we meet again sweet Terbear. 

I love you.