Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
"and then she knew... that you could become homesick for people too"
Whoever said that distance makes the heart grow fonder was a big fat liar. Distance makes the heart grow sadder and lonelier. And it makes you cry. I’m not talking one single tear down the cheek cry. I’m talking full on sobbing, can’t breathe, black mascara down the face ugly cry.
But you know what else distance does? It makes you appreciate the time you do get to spend with amazing people who fill your heart with laughter and joy that much more.
Distance makes you remember why coming home always feels so damn good.
On Friday morning, Brandon and I loaded up the pooch and headed north to the great state of beer and cheese. And BOY was I EXCITED. So excited, in fact, that I dragged his butt out of bed at 7:00 a.m. (on our one day off in over two months) just so we could speed to Milwaukee in record time to literally do nothing. But the thing is… I got to do nothing at home, and there is honestly nothing better. When we arrived in Milwaukee, dad was just waking up from a groggy, anesthesia induced nap compliments of his colonoscopy earlier that morning. Mom was still at the hospital getting her treatments. The good news is, dad is cancer free. The bad news is, mom still has cancer. But despite that, we still had one heck of a weekend.
We watched movies, we ate chili, we visited with Patty and Mike when they stopped over to say hi. We played with the dogs, we snacked...a lot. We laughed and dad kicked our butts in Yahtzee. Charlie and Hailee came over later that night and we laughed some more. It. Was. Perfect.
Mom was in great spirits all night and was feeling good thanks to the IV of fluids she received earlier in the day. Those started last Tuesday when she went in for her chemo + radiation and admitted to feeling faint many times over the past few weeks. Her BP was around 83/53 (which I guess isn’t very good?) and she was suffering from pretty intense dehydration. The IV fluids have been helping a ton this week and she said she was feeling the best she has in a while, which is great. I also watched her take down almost a full bag of Gardettos, a bowl(ish) of chili and a piece of cornbread, which made me happy.
Saturday was the best day I have had in a long time. We picked up Charlie and met my bestest friend Roxanne and her OK-ish husband Tony (just kidding 😊) at the Lakefront Brewery for a fun tour and some early day drinking. I love Wisconsin because you can pound IPA’s at 11:00 a.m. and no one judges you.
After the tour we headed to Steny’s Bar where we met up with like all of my most favorite people in the whole world. You guys, seriously, my friends are the best. They came from all over... Chicago, Miami, Madison, and Bolingbrook, just because I said please. Just because I said I missed them. We cheered on the Badgies, took part in some more day drinking… which turned into afternoon drinking and then the always appropriate evening drinking. Mom and dad hung out for a while until she got sleepy and went home for a nap. I was glad they did because SO MANY of my friends always ask how she is doing and I'm glad they got to see her. Unfortunately, the whole eating thing was less successful on Saturday and I managed to get most of my day’s steps in just running back and forth to the bathroom with mom. But still, bonding with her over a bowl of porcelain is better than not bonding at all. 😊
On the drive back to Indiana today I just felt happy. My heart is so full I feel like I could explode. There is nothing that a few hugs from best friends and time with mom and dad can’t fix. I was browsing Instagram trying to find some inspiration for tonight’s blog and found a quote that my friend Christy had shared. Christy and her fiancé Cheryl are two the most inspirational people I know, and I have talked to them a lot over the last year and a half about life and heartache and pain. And also a lot about dogs. They have sent me books and positive texts and good vibes and I am so thankful for them. I tell you this because when I read this quote on Christy’s feed, I couldn’t help but think that it was just so her. I could picture her saying these exact words to me. And it resonated so deeply with me after such an amazing weekend that I just had to share it with you all…
“Pay more attention to what stirs your heart. Pay attention to the music that makes you want to cry, or dance, or jump right out of your skin. Pay attention to what makes you happy – truly happy. The kind of happy that drips from your bones, the kind of happy that gives you hope and makes you believe that you have a reason to be here. Pay attention to the things that make you laugh. The things that make you smile. Really focus on figuring out what compels you, really focus on discovering the aspects of the world that interest you and challenge you and make you want to learn and grow. You have to pay attention. To the things that make you believe in being alive, to the people that support you and build you up and make you feel like you’re understood in a world that can sometimes feel like a haunted and hurtful place. You have to pay attention to the life you want to create for yourself, because you are in charge of your own happiness, you are in charge of who you become. So, if something makes your soul feel like it is finally home – pay attention to it. Whether it’s a job, or an idea, or a person or a place – just follow it."
What makes my heart stir? What makes me truly happy? It’s the amazing people I have in my life. This tribe of friends from high school and college who, after all these years, are still as amazing as ever. We all live so far away and rarely are we able to get together in the same place but yet, when we do, it’s like we were never apart. It’s my family… my mom and dad and Charlie and Hailee, who always make me miss home so much. It’s my mom’s tribe… HER friends who continue to reach out to ME to ask what they can do. Who drop off food and offer to clean our house and send her cards and flowers and prayers. I realize that it’s not distance that makes the heart grow fonder. It’s knowing that no matter how far away you are or how long you are gone, that you always have such amazing people to come home to. That’s what makes my heart so happy.
Insert ugly crying face here.
OK, enough rambling. The reason you are all here… an update on mom.
After having to skip chemo the week prior, mom was hooked up to the poison port with no problems on Tuesday. She weighed in at 105, which is a far cry from the 120 lb. we are aiming for, but at least it’s going up! They will hold off on the feeding tube for now since she only has like 9 radiation treatments and 2 chemo treatments left, but if she loses any more weight (or the radiation makes it impossible for her to eat or drink) they will need to reconsider. As I mentioned earlier, the IV treatments are helping her a ton and she is going to request that they continue doing them for the duration of her treatments. Her platelets are down from 71 to 70 (low), absolute neutrophils are up from 0.7 to 1.0 (also low) and her white blood cell count is up from 0.9 to 1.5 (yup, also low). They also do not plan on having her make up the chemo session she missed. Once she finishes her last two that are scheduled, they will wait a few weeks and then redo all of her scans and re-evaluate next steps. We are still hopeful that she will not need the esophageal resection as it is a very intense surgery with a long recovery time… but if she is a candidate and it’s what will save her life you better be believe I am going to make sure she considers it.
That’s all I have for you this week. Thanks to all my sweet, sweet friends who made this weekend so amazing. Love you all and Go Pack Go.
xo
