Unanswered Prayers
"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers. Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs, that just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care...some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."
Sorry for the late check in guys. It was a late one last night as I ventured to South Bend with some truly amazing people to see Garth Brooks perform at Notre Dame. We didn’t get home till almost 2:00 a.m. and thus, I have taken full advantage of my adult prerogative and have chosen to spend the entire day watching bad tv and napping.
Alas, I am now consuming my first cup of coffee for the day (at 7:00 p.m.), which I am sure I will pay for tomorrow, and figured I better get on it or you will start wondering what happened to me. 😊
First, can I say, that last night was freaking awesome. You already know how much I love country music (like a lot) but to experience Garth in an atmosphere like that was something else entirely. Not to mention, it was about 30 degrees with 40 MPH winds and a nice, wintry mix of rain, hail and snow. Sounds like a PERFECT night for a few ice-cold beers and some country tunes. And while you probably can sense my sarcasm here, it really was a night I will never forget. From the music to the people I shared it with, it was truly magical. If you don't believe me, check out the photo below.
Last night’s concert was a little different than any other one I have ever been to because CBS was recording it for a Sunday night special that will air in December. I am not sure if that was the reason behind it, but Garth choose to do a lot of cover songs. Which, if you ask me, is kind of annoying considering we paid a lot of money to hear Garth sing Garth songs… ya know? But whatever, we still sang along to American Pie and Turn the Page and Night Moves and loved every second of it. He also covered “Let it Be” and “Hey Jude”, both of which made me smile because you know who FREAKING LOVES the Beatles? My mom. She would have been in heaven.
After belting out a few “nah nah nah nahhhsss”, Garth finally got back to singing the songs that made us all fall in love with him. When he started singing one of my all-time favorites, “Unanswered Prayers” I realized my face was soaking wet. Not sure if it was the wintry mix or a few tears, but it definitely gave me all the feels. If you never have heard it before well, shame on you. But the premise of the song is basically about a guy who takes his wife back to his hometown to see his high school football team play, only to run into his high school sweetheart. After leaving the game, he realizes that sometimes, the things that we want most in life… the things that we pray the hardest for and wish upon stars for, don’t always come true. But you know what, that’s OK.
What’s that saying, good things fall apart so better things can come together? Every single thing that happens to us happens for a reason, and we just need to trust that it will all work out. Like Garth said, sometimes you just need to thank God for unanswered prayers...because He knows what he’s doing.
If you would have asked me if I believed that a year ago, I would have said that you were effing crazy. I can’t remember all of the different things I wanted to be when I was growing up, but I am certain that an anxiety-ridden, sarcastic brat with a wine problem probably wasn’t one of them. But I embrace those flaws now. Because my anxiety reminds me that I am a feeling person… a feeling person in a painful world. And those feelings are what makes me who I am. My sarcasm, despite not always being appropriate or well timed, (usually) makes people smile. And I LOVE making people smile. And my wine problem… well hell, that it just makes it all that much more fun.
I say this because life has a funny way of working itself out. And if I would have never moved to Indiana, I would have never gone through everything I did. But I also know that I wouldn’t have the confidence I have now. I wouldn’t have a job that challenges me. I wouldn’t have developed such great friendships with a group of girls here… girls that chose to still love me even though they didn’t have to. Who still invite me to concerts and friendsgivings and on vacation and have brought so much joy to my life. Who wear rings to support mom even though they only met her once or twice and who send her cards and text me weekly to check in on her. I wouldn’t get to come home every day to a big white dog with a wagging tail and three stuffed animals hanging out of his mouth. And I wouldn’t have met a great guy who makes me believe in myself and that, despite all the really hard stuff, I am going to be ok.
I definitely didn’t pray for my life to turn out this way, but I am lucky it did.
I definitely didn’t pray for mom to get cancer, but I am just going to continue to have faith that everything, no matter how messed up or unfair, happens for a reason.
Each and every one of us has made it through every single bad day we have ever experienced. We have survived, and I would like to think that have made us better. Because if those bad days, those bad months, or bad years don’t make us better, then what they hell did we go through all of that pain for?
I believe that this last year and a half has made me a better person, a better friend, a better listener, a better co-worker and a better daughter. And mom? Well, she might be weaker and thinner and have less hair. She might be bone tired and more exhausted than ever before. But she’s also stronger and brighter than I have ever seen her. And she’s fighting like hell.
She sure has hell didn’t pray for any of this, but she is doing everything she can to only focus on the silver linings. She remains optimistic as she prepares for week three of phase II. And despite daily radiation treatments and weekly chemo, she remains positive that the finish line is in site and this horrible nightmare is almost over.
After weighing in at her lowest yet (barely tipping the scales over 100 lbs.) she faced a feeding tube threat from her doctor head on and has accepted his challenge to put on 5 lbs. per week. Not an easy feat when you can’t stomach the thought of another protein shake and solid foods still remain enemy number one. She did, however, successfully take down some mac and cheese this week which was a delightful (and tasty) win.
While she has yet to face the worst of what is likely to come with the radiation + chemo combo, she finds herself more tired than before. She falls asleep earlier and earlier each day and has suffered from more frequent headaches and body aches. She claims that she is also crabbier than normal, which makes me sad, but if that is the worst of it, we’ll take it.
She also wanted me to pass along a message to you all:
“The rally by everyone to help Dave and me out with everything from meals to housework is most humbling. It’s not like they all don’t have to work or have families to take care of and things to do. We’re in awe of what everyone else has been doing and sacrificing for us. We are so grateful.”
And so am I.
Thanks for everything. And thank you for checking in each week, for letting me ramble and talk in circles just to make myself feel better. I appreciate you all.
XO
