I Laughed Today

Hey mom-

Hope you're doing OK up there. I just wanted to send you a quick note to let you know that I laughed today. 

I laughed like a real - belly aches, snorting, can't breathe laugh. 

I laughed so damn hard. And then my face went blank and I thought about you, how much I missed you, and I felt guilty.

When is it OK to laugh again? Is there some guideline, some secret griever’s journal that tells us when it’s OK to smile? When jokes won’t feel so inappropriate? How much time is supposed to pass before you get to do that and not feel sad and numb?

Because I laughed today…and I don’t want to feel bad about it.

One of my coworkers and I had to film a tutorial video that will be used for some of our dealer training sessions. It’s super embarrassing, I had no energy to do it, and I was not even the LEAST bit prepared.

And GOSH DANG did it show.

It took significantly longer than it should have and resulted in an obscene amount if swear words.

What came from it? A less than stellar tutorial video and thanks to my friend Haske, this. A blooper reel that is incredibly obnoxious, slightly obscene and 100% me. 

I laughed so hard when I saw it and I wanted nothing more than to send it to you. I could picture you, bent over the kitchen counter with tears streaming down your face as you laughed and laughed. And then you would yell at me through your laughing sobs and tell me to watch my mouth. 

And then... I envisioned you trying to post it to your Facebook (so painful) and accidentally posting it to your own wall like 100 times because you never could quite figure out how to use that “technology” anyway. 😌 Ugh. I wish you were here.

Hopefully you and grandpa get a kick out of it...turns out your daughter does NOT belong on screen, I'll stick to writing scripts instead of reading them. 

I really missed you a lot today, but it felt good to think about you and smile. 

I'm still waiting for you to give me that sign OK? 

Miss you more.

xo