My Body Aches in Her Absence

i knew that the pain of missing mom would hurt more than anything i have ever known. i knew that my heart would never fully heal, and that my mind would be forever stuck in a place of agony.

but i never expected the physical pain that my body would suffer through in grief. the harrowing chest tightness that come with every panic attack when mind remembers to tell my heart that i will never see her again. the permanent tension in my shoulders - muscles knotted with stress and sadness. the aching jaw from days spent clenching my mouth instead of smiling. from nights grinding my teeth with every bad dream. and the burning in my eyes from the tears i hide from everyone... the tears that always seem to come at the worst moments - tied to memories of what was and thoughts of a future that will never be.

my heart misses mom so much. but by body aches in her absence.