3 years.

i grew up with these thoughts of what i envisioned grief was -

a sad time that followed some tragic, life-altering event.

it was a period of suffering.
of tears and heartache.

it was something you just had to push through to get to the other side.

but, after three very, very long years,
i can tell you this.

there is no such thing as the other side. there is no getting over it.

no finding peace or acceptance.

there's constant heartache.
there's painful memories.
there's tears that come at the most inopportune moments.
there's a deep, relentless sadness that settles into your bones.

because as it turns out,
grief isn't something you get through
or get over or get past.

what has happened cannot be made right.

i'm not over it.
i'm never going to be over it.

i've been through hell and back -
except, a part of me is sorta still there.

i will never forget that moment three years ago today when your heart stopped...

and mine, shattered and broken, had to find a way to keep beating.