Making It In This Brand New World

imagine waking up in an alternate reality where everything is different, and nothing looks familiar, but you're still expected to function normally. now, imagine that you're not actually in an alternate reality, but rather, a "here i am - alive and not dreaming" reality. that is what grief feels like to me; waking up every single day – disoriented, confused, and for a brief moment, blissfully unaware that my heart is about to shatter again for the gazillionth time.

i hate how hard it is trying to remember the girl i used to be - the girl i was before mom died.

i am different now. i know that i am different. i know that the people in my life recognize these differences. but the thing is – i am still trying to process how the “who” i was three years ago became the stranger i see when i look in the mirror.

a motherless child.
the daughter of a widow.
an anxious mess.
an aunt.
a fiancé.
a griever.

i might not know yet who the new me is, but i'm trying with everything i've got to make it in this brand new world.